Australia, stop muscling in on the anniversary of me

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This was published 6 years ago

Australia, stop muscling in on the anniversary of me

For me, January 26 is more than the traditional anniversary of the Hottest 100. It's also the traditional anniversary of me.

By Dom Knight

What could be more Australian than a long weekend in summer?

For me, January 26 is more than the traditional anniversary of the Hottest 100. It's also the traditional anniversary of me. I have so many happy birthday memories of swims at Balmoral, picnics at Parsley Bay, cricket in Centennial Park, backyard pool parties with Triple J on huge speakers, and fireworks so everyone else can celebrate as well.

Since 1994, Australia Day has been muscling in on the occasion  my family celebrates with my favourite dessert, pavlova.

Since 1994, Australia Day has been muscling in on the occasion my family celebrates with my favourite dessert, pavlova. Credit: Melissa Adams

Since 1994, Australia Day has been muscling in on the occasion that my family celebrates with my favourite dessert, pavlova. That's when January 26 became a national public holiday, according to the Australia Day Council's official timeline.

It seems remarkably lacking in empathy not to understand why the date when the Union Jack was planted on the shore of Sydney Cove feels problematic to many Australians. On that day, Phillip violated both international law and his own instructions from the King to "live in amity and kindness" with Aboriginal people. The beginning of an era of dispossession, disease and bloodshed is never going to be an appropriate date for national unity.

Illustration: Reg Lynch

Illustration: Reg Lynch

So, instead of arguing about it every year, let's return to the custom of 1935, when Australia Day became a nationwide long weekend. Surely an annual midsummer long weekend is something we can all get behind? I reckon it should be the Monday before January 26, so everyone can enjoy the day. That way, instead of this annual history war, we can spend our national holiday the way we're supposed to – arguing about the lamb ad.

Senator Cory Bernardi appears to like Oz Rock.

Senator Cory Bernardi appears to like Oz Rock.Credit: Andrew Meares

That time I listened to Cory Bernardi

Another benefit of settling the Australia Day debate would be fewer publicity opportunities for Cory Bernardi. This week, the controversy-loving South Australian senator managed to outflank Australia Day's other self-appointed defender, Mark Latham, after some artists' objections to his ocker Spotify playlist led to it being withdrawn temporarily.

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Curious about his musical preferences, I did something I don't usually recommend, and followed Bernardi, alongside 912 other brave Spotify users. Many of the selections are Oz Rock 101 – Men At Work, Icehouse, Aussie Crawl, Paul Kelly. But there were some pleasant surprises in the mix too – Ratcat, You Am I, Sia, and Horror Movie, the Skyhooks track immortalised by former Labor minister Craig Emerson.

Chisel was an obvious choice – but Khe Sanh, a song about a Vietnam veteran with post-traumatic stress disorder going to "hit some Hong Kong mattress all night long" isn't exactly on-brand for the Australian Conservatives. I can't see Cory boogying along to Bedroom Eyes or Pleasure and Pain either. Whereas the song 1955 seems far more him, even though it's by the Hilltop Hoods.

There's also a Kiwi on the list, Kimbra (with Gotye), and Iggy Azalea has spent her career trying to sound American. But although most of the songs are likeable enough, I really can't endorse any playlist containing Shannon Noll's What About Me?.

Mexico has an avocado shortage and production in New Zealand has fallen by 40 per cent.

Mexico has an avocado shortage and production in New Zealand has fallen by 40 per cent.

Smashing the avo toast trend

We had a deal. Millennials have willingly accepted they would never be able to afford property, as long as they could eat smashed avo in their nearest hipster cafe. But the global economy hasn't kept its part of the bargain, and avocado prices have risen to the point where they're being sold for $8 a piece. Given bitcoin's recent issues, that makes avocados the world's biggest bubble, besides perhaps bubble tea.

Mexico has had a shortage and apparently New Zealand production has also dropped off by 40 per cent. I know that the Kiwi Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern, has just announced her pregnancy, but someone in her government needs to sort this out. Aussie toast is in jeopardy.

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Then again, given the media reports of "avocado hand", the spate of injuries caused when people accidentally slice a finger instead, it might be time to try something new on our morning sourdough. Nobody ever ended up in intensive care making hummus toast.

Dom Knight's new show Radio Chaser begins 3pm on Monday on Triple M. Peter FitzSimons is back next week.

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